Below is a transcript of this Part 2 (of 4 articles and two videos) interview on character analysis and relationships with Robert Kirby done by Sharon White. Part 2 of this video begins in Part 3.
There are are two videos and four articles in this series. So grab yourself a cuppa and settle in to learn more about improving your relations from Robert Kirby, one of our expert holistic practitioners. In this video (series) he speaks about using character analysis to improve your relationship with yourself and others around you.
THE HUMANITARIAN CHARACTER TYPE
Robert: So let’s go on to the humanitarian (type). This third one is a child who was over protected. You can even call it suppressed. Maybe you could say Sharon they were loved too much. So what happens is, the parent who’s involved with their early upbringing, it could be mother, it could be a dad who lives at home who’s very controlling, or a living grandmother is often the case, if both parents are working that over controls this child. For example, the terrible twos children are going to have tantrums and you have to give them the space to have that, but if they always have to be good, if they always have to please the parent or the grandparent, and they could never say no, then the child is going to feel suppressed and they end up giving their will away.
In other words they give up and say alright I’ll do whatever you want. So they are just smiling all the time and pleasing because they don’t know how to say no. They often end up feeling anxious if they can’t make the other person happy. They were lead to believe as a child that they needed to make everybody happy, that it was their job to support the grown-ups emotionally. So there’s often this parental reversal where they feel a need to take care of everybody else but inside they feel neglected. They feel resentful. They feel very anxious. They often have a lot of negativity and bitterness. They think when is it my turn, what about me? They do not like confrontation. They may often engage in comfort food at night because they have so much anxiety. They never feel that they are enough.
Those are the first three wounds (character types). The intuitive doesn’t fit in. The networker feels abandoned so they’re really needy in the relationship, and the humanitarian feels squished so they don’t like confrontation. They have fear of commitment because they feel they’re going to get trapped and told what to do, and they don’t want that, and so they live in chronic anxiety.
Robert is an author for Holistic Living Magazine.
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Those are the first three character types. When I’m working with people, I often identify that early wounding. In other words there’s been a significant wound under the age of three and as an adult it affects every relationship. It affects intimate relationships the most. So if you are in a relationship and you have one of these three wounds, or you’re looking for someone special, it’s so important to clear that up and to deal with it, and to get help with it, so you don’t get disappointed again and again.
Sharon: I think that’s really brilliant because so many of us go through life and we don’t realize how we can be affected by this. I do realise because I’m a therapist and I’ve been doing this for a long time with my clients. So many people generally, maybe people watching this video, and don’t realize how much our former lives affect us in all areas of our life. We keep forming the same patterns over and over and over again until we learn the lesson. So if you don’t go back and look at these early traumas, and you don’t understand the structure of what’s happening to you, you can never change it. So that’s why it’s really important to come to see somebody like Robert, who really understands.
A therapist can help you understand what character you are so that you can start working from that place, because obviously with each character you’re going to be working with them differently.
Robert: The treatment for each person and character will be different. It’s as different as night and day.
Sharon: In understanding that, at the beginning of your session with Robert, it would be amazing to know your character and you will see how much you can come along, rather than having a generic therapy session with somebody who doesn’t understand this.
Robert: Exactly, you know Sharon, I’ve been doing this 29 years and I’m still passionate to this day about the amazing results that we get with people who do the work. There’s a beautiful triangle that makes it simple. I call it group work, private work and homework. There’s exercises, breathing, movement and sound that is definitely aligned with your particular wounding and how it interferes with your relationships. All kinds of relationships, including the romantic kind. If you do those along with some private sessions, and some group work, extraordinary things happen.
You begin to observe your behaviour and realize you don’t need to do that anymore. You don’t need to disconnect in that way. You don’t need to be so needy. You don’t feel suppressed because this person doesn’t want anything from you other than connect and have you as their friend and lover. So we get rid of those distortions and life becomes exciting again, because we’re in the moment. We’re living in the now. We’re not living in the past, through the distortions of our early life and previous relationships, where we’ve been disappointed.
Sharon: We’re going to end the video there. We’re going to do part two of this video, so if you are one of the other characters just watch part two as we don’t want to keep these videos too long. So we’re going to see Robert in part two and we’re going to be talking about the other two character traits and maybe some of the treatments that Robert will do with a client, so the viewers know what to expect if they come in for some personal work with you.
Robert: Sounds great Sharon. See you in the next video. Bye for now.
You can learn more about the other two Character Types, the Achiever and the Leader in the next article of this series…