Below is a transcript of this Part 3 (of 4 articles and two videos) interview on character analysis and relationships with Robert Kirby done by Sharon White.
There are two videos and four articles in this series. So grab yourself a cuppa and settle in to learn more about improving your relations from Robert Kirby, one of our expert holistic practitioners.
In this video (series) he speaks about using character analysis to improve your relationship with yourself and others around you.
Sharon: Hi. This is the second video from a very interesting interview that we had with Robert Kirby. We’re talking about character analysis and how we sabotage ourselves from our past traumas in our relationships.
In the previous video we went over the first three character types, which were the intuitive, networker and humanitarian. There’s two more that we’re going to cover in this video, which is the achiever and leader.
Robert please tell us about these other characters. I was saying to you, I’m sitting here learning so much from you, that it’s very hard for me to come up with a question because you’re teaching me so much.
So thank you so much for doing this, because I know that if I’m learning so much from you, our viewers will be as well.
Robert: Fantastic it’s very interesting stuff. I mentioned in the last video that I stand on the shoulders of masters that I learned from, so it’s such a privilege for me to be able to pass this information on and help people through facilitation as well.
In the last video we talked about the intuitive which is you. You are a person who feels that they don’t fit in. They felt unwanted. We spoke about the networker who lives in a lot of fear and they have a lot of abandonment issues.
They’ve got great people skills but they often feel really needy in relationships. The third one we spoke about was the humanitarian, they are big-hearted generous people, but as children they felt suppressed and so they have a fear of taking risks.
They have a fear of commitment, and so they have their own difficulties, their own challenges.
Today we’re going to talk about the achiever and the leader. The amazing men and women of the world who really stand out.
Now first of all the achiever grew up very quickly. When they were between the ages of 3 and 7, or 3 and 8 they were very involved in adult business. In other words there wasn’t a healthy generation gap between mama bear, papa bear and baby bear.
The kids were involved. They knew information about their parent’s problems that they didn’t need to know. Consequently it hurt them. They ended up with a broken heart because the children want the parents to be happy.
So what happens is, their heart becomes so broken that they try to do anything they possibly can to please those parents and overcome that rejection. They grow up very quickly.
They mature quickly sexually, they’re good in school, they’re good in sport, they’re very coordinated, and their bodies are well proportioned.
They’re socially mature, they get involved sexually younger than other children and they’re in relationships often before children of another character structure. They’re successful in life.
They’re really good at implementing systems, organizing and running businesses. They’re good academically. They’re good socially except they have a hard time of commitment.
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You’ll get everything about them but you won’t get their heart, because the heart is broken. So they have a hard time with giving and receiving deep love. Often there’s a split between love and sexuality.
So if anyone’s going to have an affair in a long-term relationship it would be the achiever. Often their life is so good, but that’s what drives them into therapy, because they don’t need it.
What can happen is, they have an affair and they could often risk everything, or lose everything and then of course they’re reminded again of how deeply broken their hearts are. So that’s their journey in this life.
Even though they have everything they need to heal their broken heart. So that’s the achiever and there’s a lot of people like that in the world, who are running the world.
Then you have the leader archetype. The leaders were betrayed. Leaders have a lot of difficulty trusting themselves and others, even though they have an enormous capacity to rise above chaos. That is why they are leader archetypes.
They saw in their early life a lot of chaos in their family and they rose above it. They’re like survivors. They see the future. They’re visionaries. They have a big loud voice when they come into the room, they’re often in the front of the room.
They’re the CEO or the business owner and they’re pointing the way. Does that make sense?
Robert: However they often set themselves up to get betrayed and it’s enormously painful. So they’ll often find themselves on top of the world or face down in the mud. There’s no middle ground for them. It’s either, or, it’s all or nothing.
Consequently in relationships they rush into a relationship, they’ll sweep you off your feet, they’ll tell you you’re everything I’ve ever wanted. He absolutely adores you.
Tells you that you’re amazing, you’re gorgeous, and then four months later he will say, “I’m not ready for this. I’m really sorry. I do think you’re amazing but it’s just too much, too soon”. Then you never see them again.
So they have this tendency to cut and run. Or if they feel someone is betraying them they eliminate that person from their life. There’s no discussion. They think, I’m out of here.
They need a lot of work on that betrayal. So they need to create trust. First of all, trust inside themselves and then finally to be able to trust other people and know the difference.
Do you understand what I mean? In other words often because they’ve been betrayed they get snookered.
They will trust people who are untrustworthy. They won’t trust people who have their best interests at heart. They’re very complicated beings but they have a lot to offer the planet because they point the way into the future.
Sharon: Wow Robert. That’s just so interesting and you know it’s quite often the way isn’t it. We attract what we don’t want because we’re focusing on things in the wrong way.
So we’re focusing on what we don’t want and so we’re attracting what we don’t want. I mean that’s a whole new conversation.
Robert: I’m so glad you said that Sharon because that is one of the masterpieces of understanding character strengths and weaknesses.
If we’re in the energy, or the consciousness, or the mindset of what’s wrong with us, the fears, the lack of trust, the broken heart, rejection, if we have that first and foremost on our mind, we attract that in a business partner, we attract that in a new lover.
So we set ourselves up for failure.
You and I discussed earlier. We can recycle this stuff again and again and again and it’s absolutely gut-wrenching.
Sharon: I mean you often hear people saying, “Oh you know I’m looking for a man but I don’t want this, and I don’t want that” and it just makes me think, oh my goodness do they realize what they’re attracting?
When I am with my clients I’ll say, “Your mind will it’ll give you what you want. Your energy will give you what you want BUT you’ve got to understand how your mind works”.
So I always say something like, do not imagine a monkey riding a bicycle, and you know obviously the monkey is going to pop up in your mind.
So when you’re saying I don’t want this, I don’t want that, you’re telling your brain this is what you do want. So the words that we say are really important.
So Robert, that was just amazing and we’ve been talking outside of this and you’ve said that we can have all of these parts within us, but primarily there’s one or two that really drives us in our life. I can relate to all of them but generally the intuitive would be more.
So we’re going to delve a little bit into my life as an example of how you can heal the traumas from the past..