Improving Relationships & Understanding Character – PART 1

Character Analysis And Relationships. Part 1

Below is a transcript of this Part 1 (of 4 articles and two videos) interview on character analysis and relationships with Robert Kirby done by Sharon White.

There are two videos and four articles in this series. So grab yourself a cuppa and settle in to learn more about improving your relations from Robert Kirby, one of our expert holistic practitioners.

In this video (series) he speaks about using character analysis to improve your relationship with yourself and others around you.

Sharon: Hi I’m Sharon White from Global Healing Exchange and Holistic Living Magazine and today I’m very excited to have Robert Kirby with me. Robert Kirby has been with me since the very beginning of this journey and I love his work.

I’ve participated in his workshops and he is the most amazing healer. He works in many different ways. He has many modalities under his belt but primarily at the moment, he’s working to help people in their relationships.

Both in their relationship with themselves but relationships with others too.

In our last magazine he wrote an article that was entitled. When Love Arrives Fear Departs, and it’s based on character analysis. What we’re going to be talking about today is how the wounding from our past can affect us in our relationships now.

Welcome Robert and I’d love to hear more about this.

Robert: Great, thanks Sharon. As always it’s great to hang out with you and this is one of my favourite topics because I do work with people on their relationships.

The theme is sometimes heartfelt relationships like romantic relationships, but really it’s all kinds of relationships, family and friends, work colleagues, connecting with potential new clients or customers and first and foremost your relationship with yourself.

So character analysis affects all of this. I’d like to say I stand on the shoulders of some very wise people. Character analysis was first created by Wilhelm Reich a psychiatrist who studied under Sigmund Freud.

John Pierrakos, MD who was my teacher, the founder of core energetics and co-founder of bioenergetics, along with Alexander Lowen another expert in the field.

Hundreds of books have been written in this area, so I’m proud to be part of this and I’ve used it for many years. I started studying this in 1993 so it’s been quite a long time and I absolutely love it. I just wanted to preface that. The first thing I wanted to talk about is the intuitive.

Robert is an author for Holistic Living Magazine.

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The Intuitive person felt unwanted as a child and they always felt like they’d never fit in. In other words, if I don’t fit it in with my own family, how could I fit in anywhere?

It doesn’t matter what company they work for, or what business they start, or what relationship they’re in, or what country they live in, they always feel like they actually don’t belong.

It is like they have one foot on the planet but one foot is somewhere else. They have a strong spiritual connection. They tend to have polarized thinking. They don’t realize how brilliant they are.

They have difficulty letting people in because they just feel socially awkward, and they tend to have a lot of terror. They can have night terrors, or they can just be terrified of life.

They will often feel numb. They don’t know what they’re feeling, they don’t know how to convey that, which would frustrate a partner. Or if they’re in a committed relationship it would be really frustrating for that other person.

Although that other person would be fascinated by their brilliance because they channel incredible brilliance.  I know you can relate to that because you have incredible intuitive gifts, so tell us a little bit about you in that area.

Sharon: Oh wow okay. I was severely abused as a child by my biological mom and it was only from the age of 0 to 5. I didn’t feel that I was anything like her at all. I used to zone off into my own world because that was the only place that I was safe.

I guess when I was in my own world that was when I was connected more to the universe. In my childhood, when my dad remarried, I never used to interact with the other children. I used to just watch them because I didn’t know how to fit in.

Even in my life now it’s carried forward, I still don’t fit in with a lot of people. I’m still that little bit quirky and very honest, a bit like a bulldozer sometimes, and some people, I think are a little bit afraid of me.

I am much more confident in myself now and I love the person that I am, and I’ve come a long way since I was a child but that’s how I felt. I was really ultra-connected. I had my fairy friends and I was much more in sync with them than I ever was human beings.

Robert: Wow yeah that’s amazing. As you know I have some of that wounding too. I’m really happy in my own spiritual world and I read lots of books that no one I know has any interest in.

They’re important to me in my research into Eastern and Western mysticism and things like that. I build bridges with people, where I can talk to groups so I can talk to people effectively, but it does affect relationships.

I can relate to the bulldozer energy and the black and white thinking. So yeah thanks for that.

So it does affect relationships, it does affect the dating process, because often people can’t relate to what is really important to you. Then of course you don’t really fit in so there’s that social inhibition that often goes with the intuitive.


Let’s shift over to the networker (type) now. This is a fascinating one because this person was abandoned very early in life and that sense of abandonment permeates their entire reality. I’ll tell you how.

They’re often co-dependent with other people and they’re really clingy and needy in relationships which can push the other person away.

In other words Sharon, they set themselves up for the thing they’re most afraid of, which is being abandoned, but they’re so clingy the other person needs space. Do you follow me?

Sharon: Yes they force people to abandon them in a way.

Robert:Exactly, because they don’t have that sense of self.

Then if someone doesn’t return a phone call, or they promise to show up at a certain time and don’t, they get very reactive because it triggers their earliest fear and wound, that they’re not lovable and they’re going to be left by the people that they love.

So how does it manifest itself? Well they’re brilliant networkers. They’re really great at starting projects. In other words they start on relationships like nobody else because they’re conversationally brilliant.

They can connect with anyone. They can talk to the CEO, or the Queen of England, or the person cleaning the toilets.

They don’t care they just talk morning, noon and night, because they really need that connection with others to feel that they’re important, or that they’re cohesive or lovable.

One of the problems that they run into is, they often will start projects and run out of energy. They get exhausted. They have addictions.

In other words, they eat a lot comfort food, or they may smoke cigarettes, or they may have problems with alcohol, or sexual addiction. They’re always looking outside themselves to get their needs met.

So what happens is they’re really good at dating and so they can connect online or anywhere socially with a zillion people, but that relationship will often get stuck, because they expect to be abandoned.

They’ll mistrust another person even though the other person’s behaviour has nothing to do with what they’re perceiving. They’re distorted. Does that make sense?

Sharon: Yeah it definitely does.

Robert: Networkers, when they learn to overcome the fear that they’re gonna be abandoned and they have their own identity, have so much to offer. Because they’re really good in business.

They are great networkers, they’re good in sales, they’re good at starting up projects, and they’re highly intelligent. But they have to really find that self-love deep inside themselves.

Sharon: I guess underneath all of that it is a pushing away energy. The work that they do on themselves is going to help them in all areas and it’s going to make them more brilliant in the relationships, but in all of the other areas that they are good at as well.

Robert: Exactly. So when you have your own identity and you’re really solid inside yourself at the core, people have no choice but to respect you.

When you’re emotionally bleeding over everyone, no matter how much you have to offer, no matter how smart you are, or drop-dead gorgeous you are, the person’s going to feel overwhelmed.

So many people have this abandonment because in the modern generations you have both parents working for the most part, so the traditional family life as we know it is for the most part gone. So children who often have to fend for themselves end up feeling like this.

So let’s go on to the humanitarian (character type). Read more about the humanitarian and the other characters in the next article in this series…



Robert is an author for Holistic Living Magazine.

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