Me. Me. Me. Yes, sometimes it is all about me and I do not apologise for this, as it is a very important thing to focus on.
I liken this to the advice that is given on First Aid CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation) training courses when the DR ABC acronym is explained.
The D stands for Danger and it is the first thing that is considered to ascertain how the next step of any Response is taken. This is an important thing to do as one’s life may depend on it.
If there is a situation where someone is in need of some help, it is always a good idea to check out the safety aspects first. In the first instance, this is all about Self-Care; about Self-Love.
It is generally not wise to put oneself at risk to save another when there is imminent or even possible danger. This is not an easy thing to say, or even do, especially if the people we are trying to help are loved ones.
However, this advice is meant as a safety precaution and a warning about staying safe and being in a position of being most effective and useful in any given situation.
From this perspective it is very important to put ourselves first. All medical workers will tell you this. It is a big part of their training. In essence this is common sense training and advice.
And for me, this common sense also includes how I can choose to live a conscious and healthy life too. Self-Care and Self-Love is an essential part of my life.
For me, this extends out to having healthy boundaries and the ability to say yes or no in a clear and conscious way. It is all about knowing what is good for me; what is best for me.
I try to work with this sense of Self-Love every day and work as consciously and consistently as I can to have my clear and healthy boundaries in place so that I am more able to take care of myself; to love myself.
This is not an easy task and I find that I do get wounded and hurt, despite having the awareness to put this into place in my life.
Things still get to me, but maybe not quite as much as they would if I did not have this awareness and did not do the work that I do in this area.
Creating and having healthy boundaries is not just about the physical, it is also about the emotional, mental and spiritual as well. I have a saying that I use to support me in this work that I love to share with others:
“If it is not invited, it is not allowed in”.
When I work with my clients and students this work on boundaries is one area where I spend much time. I see, too often, people with thin, or almost non-existent, boundaries.
These people are often sick with ‘colds’ and ‘flu’ or other dis-eases or illnesses that ‘get in’ their being. When our boundaries are down (physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually) the etheric body, life force, or Chi energy (there are lots of names for this) within us has to work extra hard and is then not as strong or effective at keeping things out.
This is why good (organic) clean food, exercise, rest, meditation, less stress and good sleep are essential. It helps to give us good healthy boundaries.
I take my health and wellbeing and my personal boundaries seriously and I certainly do not entertain people’s behaviour and nonsense if they are rude or obnoxious or try to coerce or bully me. I do not tolerate this very easily.
As I expressed previously, “If it is not invited, it is not allowed in”. And because I love synchronicity, I will share this story with you of what happened today. (I knew that there was a good reason for getting this article in at the last moment!).
A few months ago I was having problems with my left knee. It got inflamed and I was in a lot of pain, so I went along to a local doctor and got a referral for some X-rays and an MRI.
I wanted to know what was happening and take some measures to stop the pain and fix whatever needed fixing. All in the name of Self-Care and Self-Love!
Today, two months later, I went to see a knee specialist for his ‘expert’ opinion and advice. After waiting for 50 minutes, I finally went into his consulting room. He never apologised for being late and started to speak to me in a very condescending and rude manner.
He displayed very bad listening skills and kept interrupting me, even after asking me direct questions that required an answer. I stayed quiet for a few minutes, kept breathing and thought that it would pass, but eventually I could take no more.
He was basically, being a very rude man and I was not willing to be treated that way any longer. I thought I did well to last for five minutes! He was lucky that it was me that he was treating this way. Had it been my wife … Grrrrr …
After him examining my knee, and then him trying to ascertain where the X-rays and MRI’s were, which I had tried to explain several times were attached in a new ‘MyFilmBag’ folder that the X-ray department gave me to use, he asked me to leave the room with the words “Get out and I’ll call you back in when I’m done!” – That was the last straw for me.
I took a big breath, did a U turn and walked straight back in to his room and told him that I found his manner rude, obnoxious, unprofessional and unacceptable and that I did not want to work with him and that I was terminating the appointment.
Furthermore, I told him I would not be paying for the appointment.
At the reception desk, I also told the receptionist that I had terminated the appointment and that I would not be paying. She looked shocked. She then asked me for my Medicare card (Australian Government medical rebate card) so that she could at least Bulk Bill (pay a Government standard payment to the Doctor).
I said no, I would not give it to her as he did not deserve to be paid. She walked into his office to check on what she should do and came out and said “No charge”. There was a look of even deeper shock on her face as she said this.
I get a sense that no one had ever stood up to this man before. As I said earlier, I do not do rudeness or bullies!
This was a great lesson in Self-Care; of Self-Love and putting up my strong boundary. I do not know if this was his usual way of working with patients; his general modus operandi, but I was not going to be subject to it, not today, not any day.
So yes, today was about me. Me. Me. Me. And I am glad that I had this experience, especially as it fitted in well with the timing of writing this article.
I forgot to mention that my wonderful wife Arleen was with me during this experience, and, to her credit, she kept a very straight face through it all.
She found it all rather amusing and said that she sensed it would not bode well for the doctor the moment that he started to speak to me in that way.
Knowing when to speak or act in a place of self-preservation, of Self-Love, is important. If we do not do so, then from a deeper energetic and even psychological perspective, we contract and become less than we truly are.
This is not always easy, but it is in the practice that we learn how to do this more and more effectively. If we are to truly love ourselves and become more fully responsible for our own lives in a more empowered way, then these things have to become part of our daily life.
To not speak or act with the purpose of Self-Love is the opposite, which in its fullness is Self-Hatred. This is where we can learn that we have a choice. We can choose to be more loving and kind to ourselves or not.
We can choose to speak up for ourselves or not. Each choice that we make has a consequence of some kind. I know that the consequences of speaking up today empowered me and helped me to love myself a little bit more.
Had I not spoken I would have brooded over it, perhaps for days or even weeks, and then would have felt that I had let myself down, and this article would certainly have been written in a very different way.
So Self-Love, in its truest form, is not about being selfish, arrogant or self-centred, it is about empowering oneself. When we are more empowered, we can then also help others to be more empowered too. We do this by observing our actions.
My last thoughts are, I wonder what sort of afternoon the doctor had and how he treated his next patients. The waiting room was quite full and they certainly heard the conversation I had with the receptionist. All I can do is to send him my blessings.
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Adrian Hanks – Life Mastery Coach