Fear is a sneaky bugger. Many people live their lives saying they’ll take a step forward when they’re not so scared, or when they have more confidence, or when the time is right.
Then they find they never take the step because the fear never fades and their confidence never goes up….
They’ve got it the wrong way around. Waiting for the fear to pass is like waiting for the sun not to rise. Fear is part of our reality, it is a command embedded in our biological system, we are hard wired to experience it.
We have a neurological fear system in our brains called the Amygdala, which activates our flight or fight responses in order to warn us of danger and protect us. Nowadays, it is also responsible for our limitations and setbacks.
As Doctor Dan Baker has said in “You’re only six steps away from happiness”, this fear system is the repository for past trauma and pain, current anxiety, fear of what is to come and old instinctual terrors.
We needed this in the early existence of mankind, because it served us as a defense and protective mechanism, it gave us the ability to spring into action whenever we felt danger or threat. This is how we survived, which means over time, we are conditioned to expect hard times.
The fact is, in the modern western world, we are no longer in threat of extinction, we don’t have to protect ourselves from a Sabre Tooth Tiger (well the tigers don’t exist) but the hard wiring remains within us.
Courage… or confidence… is not the absence of fear, but the willingness to take action in the presence of fear, feel the fear and do it anyway. In fact, we can’t ever learn to know what courage is, unless we take action. If we wait for courage to show up before we act, we’re certain never to feel it. This is the ultimate truth.
We need to constantly push ourselves, do the things that scare us, it’s the only way to know we have the courage and resources within us to progress forward.
Fear is the same topic only with a different heading for everyone. We all fear the same, the fear of not being loved, not belonging, fear of not being good enough, is the same for me as it is for you only difference is I call it something else.
These fears are what keep us playing the game of life, safe but small. They keep us from being our own hero, from stepping-up, progressing, being happy, taking risks and even keeps us from loving ourselves and giving love.
More so it stops us from living the life we have always dreamed of living.
Whenever we give priority to avoiding the fear, instead of focusing on our true desires, we’re restraining ourselves from truly appreciating and living a loving, fulfilled life.
What Is Your Relationship With Fear?
The Two Truths Of Fear
Truth #1 You can handle everything that comes your way, you’ve just conditioned yourself to not know this because then none of your worst fears have any danger of coming true. Or do they?
Isn’t it true that the more you focus on not having something happen, the more your fear seems real?
For example have you ever wanted someone to stay in your life, so much, and the more you cling to that person the further you’ve pushed them away, leading to you feeling unloved, not good enough, as if you didn’t belong?
Truth #2 The second truth about fear is the more we try to escape our fears the more we experience them.
Yet we still play the same thoughts in our head over and over again, the same games. We play it safe in love, never really expressing what we’re feeling or voicing ourselves, in fear of rejection, or being alone, thus never experiencing the real joy of giving love.
We play it safe by hanging onto the little financial security we have for fear if we lose it we’ll have nothing, only to never seem to get ahead and invest, somehow your telling yourself I don’t trust myself in making sound decisions, what your really saying here is I’m not good enough.
We sabotage ourselves everyday, doing the tango with fear, letting fear lead the way to a continuous circle of disappointment or mediocrity.
As Napoleon Hill says, “don’t wait, the time will never be just right”.
Until we eventually ask: is this all there is? Is my life really only going to amount to an okay job? There has to be a way to take charge, take risks and feel great about it.
To some extent your relationship with fear has given you a “payoff” or a benefit. It may have kept you safe from pain, hurt, loss or failure. Whatever the benefit, this is the reason you let the fear run your life, instead of you taking control of it.
“The coward dies a thousand deaths, the courageous man only once”.
Unless you give yourself a compelling, big enough reason why you want to change any of this, you will remain in the same relationship with fear. With a big enough “why?” We can accomplish anything and this is the secret to ruling fear. Your compelling reason, no matter what, you wouldn’t go back to that old choice.
I Want You To Ask These Questions About Something You’re Fearful Of:
- How has this fear benefited you in the past?
- For example what has it protected you from or kept you safe from?
- What has it cost you in the past and what will it cost you in the next one year, or two years or five years from now?
- What are you tolerating because of the fear?
- What is this fear costing your loved ones?
Now Answer This Question With Absolute Honesty & Intensity:
- Why would you choose to free yourself of this fear right now? I want you to really connect emotionally with why will you choose to let it go?
- What will it give you?
- What will your life look like if you let go of it today?
- What will you have more of in your life?
- What will no longer be in your life, if you free yourself of it today?
Make a vow right now to no longer allow that fear to run your life. Decide now that you will be the master of your life. What will have to change in order for you to let go? What is the first thing you will do, and what is the next thing you will do after that? How will that feel?
Fear is another emotion we choose to feel, we allow it to happen to us. We choose what we want to feel depending on which need we want met. The next time you are faced with a situation, stop and think how will it serve me? What am I giving up if I choose to feel scared.
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Angie Singh – Hypnotherapy, NLP & Coach