Fun & Dance. Cheer & Laughter. Every day you would get up and be excited by what the day could bring, maybe a snow day or start of summer vacation. The idea of being free to do whatever you choose, felt great.
You could swing by a friend’s house or go exploring in the woods whatever you fancied. You explored, you laughed, you jumped, and you laughed some more. Every day was greeted with fancy and wonder.
As you move through life, something starts to happen and your need for your inner child seems to dissipate. High school comes and everything gets serious. What are you going to do with your life? Are you going to go to college? If so, where?
Your inner child’s voice is left behind while you try to figure out your next step in life. Before you know it you have become an ‘adult’ and your inner child has become a faint whisper.
Your urge for rolling in the leaves or playing in the pool lessens and you spend most of your time focusing on the next prize instead of enjoying the gifts of that day through your inner child’s eyes.
Deep within you is the voice of your inner child. It holds all your childhood memories. The ones you cling to the most are the good ones of course. The good memories of my childhood make me feel warm inside.
But every now and then there is a rumbling of something just underneath the surface that happened when you were a child that you have been trying to keep buried inside.
Maybe it was the way you were treated or something you did or did not do. Whatever it is we all have something from our childhood we care not to remember.
I am no different. My little sister was stubborn and hot headed and so was my mother. This caused many arguments between them. Whenever they would start yelling at each other, I would go hide.
I was afraid to come out for fear that any leftover wrath would be placed upon me. I hid in any place I could find until the coast was clear.
This is not a childhood memory one wants to remember, there is nothing fun or funny about it. Remembering these memories hurt, so we push them down as far as they can go.
When you do this, you are pushing the anger, fear, shame, guilt, resentment, regret and jealousy of the memory deep down into the cells of your body.
Burying it deep inside is not the same thing as releasing it. Releasing it for good requires you to first acknowledge its existence. Then you must release the hurt surrounding it. Release it from every cell, blow it out and let your body exhale.
It’s been holding on to all that hurt just below the surface so that it can protect you from the heavy feelings it causes you. But it can only hold onto them for so long before symptoms of it manifest in the body.
As the arguments continued, I took it one step further and started to not just physically hide but mentally too. I discovered I could make up better stories in my head. I became a dedicated day dreamer and on top of the arguments, I grew 6 inches between 4th and 5th grade. Now hiding was harder than it was before, instead I stood out like a sore thumb –5’8”, acne and braces. What could a girl do to get a break!?
My daydreaming slowly took over my life. I spend hours after school in a dream state where the world was happier, peaceful and more fun.
My parents never understood why I did it and honestly I didn’t know either but I knew one thing, I loved it! But then I graduated high school and I tried to stop spending as much time in a dream state but I could not so I shamefully hid it.
Your inner child holds all this inside. It’s like trying to hold your breath forever. You might be able to do it for a bit but eventually you need to take a new breath and in that little moment, something from underneath bubbles up to the surface, sadness, a memory, anger, etc.
You feel it and you may spend some time wallowing in it and then you snap back into reality and your body is back to holding its breath.
Your body does not want you to suffer. It wants you to have an awesome life and if that means it needs to give up some of its peace and serenity so you can have it consciously, it will do so but eventually a little breathe it not enough.
It needs a deep cleansing breath and in order to do that it must let out more of the pain. Every time this happens your body will show signs of this as a symptom, maybe a rash, pain or overwhelming sadness. And eventually your body……
You can read the FULL version of this article in our quarterly eZine, ‘Holistic Living Magazine,’ look for Edition 3 on this archive page. There’s many more articles about autoimmune disease waiting for you too!
Tami Reagor – Theta Healer