During a recent releasing meditation for the Taurean Full Moon, a massive realisation hit me. So often we think of emotional states which do not serve us, as lower grade emotions; we often term these as ‘negative’.
There is a natural predisposition, a by-product of our ‘socialised-selves’, which has a tendency to make these wrong but what if, instead, they were a call to action? A call to change? A call from an old buried part of us that needed to be heard?
What if, lower grade emotions existed as a means of signaling that we are out of alignment with our own authenticity, our true selves?
What if, they were like the body’s inner wake up call, to stop, go within and listen, to unlayer and see the truth of why we were triggered? What if they were our subconscious’ means of letting us know there was simply something which needed to be addressed to be cleared?
We can all find balance in an unbalanced world, when we know HOW!
As humans, there are so many emotions we term as ‘negative’:
Anger, sadness, loss, grief, disappointment, resentment, betrayal, loneliness, confusion, fear, doubt, criticism, judgment; the list could go on and on.
Generally, we don’t particularly like how these emotions make us feel and so we ‘cycle’ them, that is, we go through a pattern of emotions again and again through life.
These become ‘patterned’ into our Neuro Linguistic Programming and mostly we layer and unlayer them quite unconsciously.
In someone who is resistant to change, either consciously or unconsciously, we can witness this repeating of patterns occurring again and again until the person reaches a state, that is SO uncomfortable that they actually go right back to the beginning of recycling their emotions.
Alternatively, sometimes people get to the point where they are so fed up with the same outcome that they realise something has to shift, so they push through the next round of extreme discomfort to come into a state of connection, with the divine, where they see life from a higher perspective.
For me, personally, my ‘ah-ha’ moments, often occur in meditation, in the space between the breath. It’s like some greater divine force, beyond my awareness, kicks in and says, “Ok, I can see you’re still.
I can see you’re receptive. Finally, you’ve stopped and are listening… let’s drop a seed!”
Recently, I was blessed with a massive seed implanted on apathy. It’s funny, how people can think of ‘negative thoughts’ as dangerous and of course, they do so often come with a downhill energy spike.
Generally, they don’t make us feel great about ourselves or life but of course, in judging them, we lose the lesson, the message, and the inner communication. Apathy, is far more insidious though.
It’s what I’ll call a ‘waste thought’ or ‘waste zone’; it’s kind of a sticky, murky, a globulous zone of ‘nothingness’. It can be disguised as indifference or even numbness. I realised when this seed dropped in, that it’s so often the pivotal moment of ‘disconnect’ with life.
To be caught in lower grade emotions, and by caught I mean ‘stuck’, is to be disconnected; apathy, that state of ‘can’t be bothered-ness,’ is so often the freeway to downhill spiraling emotions and when we are unaware, we can be there in SECONDS.
As I sat and contemplated ‘apathy’, I realised that it is ALWAYS at the root of all of my challenging times; it’s my disconnect with the present moment.
I see its root in childhood as indifference but simultaneously am aware that I rocked it BIG TIME during deep grief after my grandfather passed and I stopped feeling, when I was 14.
I stepped into numbness, because feeling was just too dang hard and unconsciously implanted a brain-patterning, that when the world got ‘too hard’ I could detach! My youngest son, is obsessed with the coming of the ‘zombie apocalypse’ which does my head in and I am forever telling him it’s never going to come.
The reality is that it’s already upon us because for many of us, this is a life we are already living; one of going through the motions, halfheartedly, living from paycheck to paycheck and tuning out to life; catching up with friends for coffee, only to spend most of our time on the mobile texting others or checking fb or ‘checking in to’ fb so that everyone can know where we’ve been!
Mindlessly, playing hour upon hour of video games, to beat our own highest scores, detached, disconnected, in an altered state of emotional numbness.
As I contemplated ‘apathy’ and the way it can rear its head unexpectedly in my life, I perused aspects of my behaviour and noticed that I prefer trophotropic states.
I LOVE meditating; as a Kapha body type (Ayurvedic medicine) I am much more comfortable with the trophotropic state of chilled relaxation. Conversely, I really don’t enjoy the diametrically opposite ergotrophic state, of the mass adrenalin rush to the same extreme and will often avoid it… but life’s about balance.
I saw very clearly today that by avoiding exercise and things which mean stepping into that heightened state of movement, that I can easily create a predisposition towards apathy.
I am relaxed and comfortable reading a book, checking my emails, ‘working/playing on Facebook’, meditating, chilling in nature… but without activity it’s not balanced, without activity there’s no action, without activity how do we truly pursue our dreams.
Many of us have drawn into our lives at various points, people who treat us with indifference, who don’t see our magic, our shine, our worth, our treasure. SO often we are caught in how tough these lessons are and feel the betrayal to our core… but, what if these ‘lessons’ these ’emotional states’ were mirrors of
how we see ourselves and indicate times when we have chosen to take the easier, chillaxed, I don’t really need to invest road and sold ourselves short… or worse still, the I’m not worth investing in path. Perhaps we were told this or shown this as children and have inhaled it into our being.
On a daily basis, I am becoming more and more aware of how I would never treat another in the way I treat myself, perhaps apathy is another, and most profound challenge for me?
What if these difficult situations and people, were our teachers? What if the mirrors are our wake up calls of lives half lived that we DO NOT want to choose?
I do love Abraham and have always loved 68 seconds of Pure Joy. Joy is the polar extreme of Apathy. So today I practised remembering moments of joy for 1:11 and focused on times I have been exhilarated with joy.
Most of them involved dancing, walking, swimming… none of them involved sitting around doing sweet nothing. Even moments like watching the clouds clear at the top of Machu Picchu and seeing a condor shoot between those clouds to herald the magic, celebrated the effort of walking to the top of that mountain in the first place….
Whilst those 3 minutes of SHEER MAGIC were SO WORTH it, believe me, fitter though I was, the 45 minutes it took me to climb were NOT easy! It was not handed out on a platter to me! I poured some serious perspiration that day to attain that gift!
Most of my bliss moments, involved dancing; something I do so very rarely these days, but I noticed that when I begin cutting these things out, or making excuses, that’s when the claws of apathy begin to come creeping back into my world.
In that week, I had 3 friends talk to me about physical body and exercise; 3 different pebbles. It was the Taurean Full Moon; all connected to releasing limitations of the physical body.
If it had not been my focus in meditation, I might have missed each pebble; but the awareness created an acute attention that allowed me to notice each comment and action it.
Each and every one of my dreams is currently a limitation for me because of my lack of physical mobility, it’s time for that to change. It’s time to DREAM WITH OPEN EYES and balance life with increased activity… and so it is.
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Karnie Kamala – Transpersonal Counsellor & Crystal Healer