I read a quote once that said “whenever you feel sad remember there are billions of cells inside your body and all they care about is YOU”. The essence of that statement is perhaps what we could all do with a bit more of… MORE SELF LOVE.
Every one of us has innate mechanisms built into our body there simply to ensure we physically survive.
We also have a conscious desire deep within to thrive in life, to experience more and be unbound by limitation – but how many of us can say we truly thrive in every aspect of our life? Do you want to?
These days the law of attraction is commonly known (simply summarized: what we focus on gets bigger), however, what most people are unaware of is the more we consciously “want” something in life, or focus on it, the “wanting” itself actualizes, ironically leaving us with less.
A better option is to magnify the positive elements of what we do have. As what we experience inside is reflected back to us by the outside world.
Can you imagine what could manifest in our outer world from the sum total of magnified self-love from all of our inner worlds combined?
The majority of our physical survival is pretty much automatic, (we don’t consciously try to make our heart beat, distribute oxygen or regenerate our own tissues etc. it just happens)
This “thriv-ival” or the thrive element within us however, may well depend on something more elusive (yet simple); our own ability to consciously practice love toward ourselves aka self-love.
This itself however, can be a little challenging when the main driver of our conscious mind is hidden from us.
Have you heard the term “unconscious mind’? Our unconscious mind is the storehouse of absolutely everything, every perception, thought, emotional pattern, experience, belief, memory and random piece of information we have come across during our life.
What is pertinent here is within all that data the unconscious mind also contains the core subjective maps of reality.
We created this during childhood about how to function in the world itself.
Due to the non-existent guide book at our birth, the “How to parent perfectly 100% of the time guide” combined with the natural developmental phases we go through as we are growing, unfortunately, these maps are usually based in fear, fear of abandonment, rejection, loss, betrayal, humiliation, not the most ideal foundation for creating a loving reality in which to thrive.
Recent scientific research has found the conscious mind processes at 40 bits per second and the unconscious mind at 40 million bits of data per second, meaning the unconscious mind is truly responsible for shaping our life and therefore key in changing it also.
In summary: To have more of anything it must come from the inside first.
Our body is innately programmed to survive, part of us is drawn to expand by thriving in what we love and every one of us has an incredibly sophisticated data processing instrument within us – the brain (conscious/unconscious) which is the key player in the way we experience the World.
So, what is self-love? The simplest way to describe it would be “the action of loving behaviours toward ourselves to expand the appreciation of SELF”.
So if we are wanting to create MORE self-love, we have two steps to follow.
First being to consciously employ techniques to expand our own present experience of self-love e.g. manifest more by focusing on what we love about ourselves and secondly reprogram the driving force of the brain – our unconscious mind.
Quiz – How Much More Self Love Can You Have?
Mentally tick if you:
- Find it difficult to say “no”
- See yourself as inferior to others
- Use any negative self-talk (e.g. internally say to yourself things like – I’m not as good as whoever, I am: dumb, lazy, stupid, fat, ugly, unlovable etc).
- Are critical of others/yourself
- Downplay your positive qualities
- Live without purpose
- Doubt your own abilities or have fear of failure/avoid challenges
- Have difficulty accepting compliments
- Experience anxiety or depression
- Have relationship issues/patterns which you keep repeating
- Feel like everything bad that happens is your fault
- Blame yourself for things that don’t work out
- Find yourself tolerating unreasonable/bullying behavior from people
- Engage in any self-harming behaviours
- Had an unhappy childhood/were influenced by hyper-critical people
- Avoid taking credit for your achievements
These are all common indicators of low self-love and all CAN be transformed by YOU naturally.
If you ticked any of the above, get excited as you have an opportunity to have more inner happiness! The more ticks the more self-appreciation is available for you to experience!
How Can I Get More Self Love?
Step 1: Conscious Reprogramming
Self-love is not a thing you can get from anyone or anywhere, it is connected to your appreciation of who you are and expands by any action you take which supports this appreciation of yourself.
The exciting thing about that is YOU are totally in control of how much you have and how often you “get” it!
These actions can be:
- Physical – taking care of your body through such things as diet, exercise, quality sleep, adequate hydration, relaxation/down time, regular detoxing/cleansing etc.
- Psychological – positive self-talk, knowing and expressing your needs, acknowledgment of your emotions, setting boundaries – e.g. saying no to anything which is depleting of you and not energizing for you, practicing forgiveness toward others/yourself, making and keeping the commitments you make to yourself etc.
- Spiritual – engaging in activities which connect you to things bigger than yourself, giving time to charity/community based events, meditation, walks in nature, involvement in co-operative group activities, prayer, yoga etc.
Also, by valuing and internally recognizing personal achievement. When our sense of self-appreciation grows an expansion of our sense of self-love occurs simultaneously.
Again, back to the concept of: “what we focus on gets bigger” any seed of celebrated personal achievement will grow and in this way bring more success into your life which will again multiply the things you can appreciate yourself for!
Another hurdle for us is the misunderstanding of personal failure. Failure is part of being human and forgiving yourself is a huge part of self-acceptance/appreciation.
If there is any part of you which is stuck in the past in regret, anger, self-punishment, guilt or shame (or any negative state) it will not be possible for you to experience self-love fully as perpetuating these types of emotions internally will diminish you.
All failures serve as our teachers, our stepping stones to success. Big mistakes can equate to big lessons as we take responsibility and learn from them we can move forward with the gift of inner growth. Love and accept your failures as the pavement to your successes.
Step 2: Accelerate Change & Re-Program Your Unconscious
Step one will help you tremendously in the creation of more self-love. To comprehensively transform yourself and to fast track this process you can actually work directly inside the realm of your unconscious. Step 2 will help you…..
You can read the FULL version of this article in our quarterly eZine, ‘Holistic Living Magazine,’ look for Edition 6 on this archive page. There’s many more articles about self love waiting for you too!
Kylie Bryan – Kinesiology Expert