Deep down you are searching for your original state of unconditional love. That’s where you came from and that’s where you shall return unless you blow it. The only way you could blow it is to not love yourself.
People ask me all the time “Why can’t I love myself?” What about me is so defective that I cannot let go of the past and move on to a happy life?”. What are the components of unconditional love?
By becoming human you temporarily abandoned your original state. You are here on earth to learn lessons. Some are very painful so we tend to fall back on our ego mind’s version of what will make us happy.
The ego mind is a bottomless pit. It tells you this or that will make you happy. Once you achieve it there is another goal and another. This part of us is ruthless. It often justifies taking action that hurts others. It wants to be right and make others wrong.
Over time you will feel guilty. You do not feel good about yourself. Your ego mind says simply “let it go.” The body-mind holds onto to the pain of this guilt until you honestly deal with it.
You might say you hold yourself accountable because you have a conscience. When you admit to yourself that you do not feel good about things you’ve done in the past you then begin the important journey of Self- Forgiveness.
The most thorough process to moving beyond this stage is to feel authentic remorse and make amends with people when ever possible. Everyone has a part in a falling out.
A client of mine George from Melbourne Australia married the woman of his dreams. It slipped his mind to tell her he was seriously addicted to pornography.
He had a secure high salaried corporate position. He quit the job for a start up business without her blessing. The business did not take off even though George has a brilliant mind and a brilliant service. His wife left him.
He eventually realized he had been living a lie and he felt very guilty. This began his journey to self – forgiveness. We focused on reconciling the hidden cause of his addiction and to make amends with his former wife.
Almost immediately his business picked up and job offers came rolling in. Life supports those who live in truth. Self –forgiveness is the first step to unconditional love.
Let’s Begin Your Process Right Now With A Forgiveness List & Ritual:
- Make a list of ways you have hurt yourself and others
- Meditate daily for a few days on the list with remorse
- Remind yourself that its arrogant not to forgive yourself
- When you are ready – go outside and burn the list
- Say a little prayer of gratitude – let go and be free
If you find yourself constantly and consistently working on yourself year after year without progressing in life, then you can be sure you do not accept yourself at a very deep level.
The foundational premise of all healing is Self – Acceptance.
If makes no difference whether you see a psychologist or an alternative energetic healer or a yoga & meditation teacher. Their first job is to help you see the truth of where you really are in life. Then to accept that truth as the real you.
When you learn to develop self acceptance, you can be at peace with yourself and your life will begin to flow. It is such a relief to be in touch with the “authentic you” instead of your idolized image of yourself.
This authentic reality becomes your new “inner ground” in which to plant new seeds of growth. Remember anything in life that is not build on truth will eventually fall apart. This means all; your relationships, your health, your spiritual connection and your business.
Naturally there is room for conflict here that must be rectified. You may believe that you do accept yourself at the personality level but unconsciously you reject parts of you.
This is the most common form of self deception in the entire personal development movement. Thinking one thing but deep down feeling another. This inner conflict stops you in your tracks. Your early childhood conditioning goes into effect in a crisis or under lots of stress.
Thank the Lord there is a way out. If you are on a spiritual quest then Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power of Now” and Michael Singer’s “The Untethered Soul” clearly demonstrate the need to observe the mind in a quiet state.
If you prefer a scientific approach then Joe Dispensa’s “The Power of Observation” is clearly saying the same thing regarding neuroplasticity and the quantum world which is in constant interplay with our reality.
If you also would appreciate the energetic solution for the body-mind and its blockages of meridian chi, then Roger Callahan’s EFT / Tapping will give you a solid and quick balance to those negative emotions and beliefs that prevent complete self-acceptance.
Regarding your self-acceptance process here is what I suggest you do to use all of the above research:
- Meditate twice per day for 15-20 minutes
- Observe your mind by sinking into deep relaxation. Let your mind think and feel whatever it wants to. Simply observe it over and over without trying to stop it.
- Make a list of the parts of yourself that you do not accept. It does not matter why.
- Say over and over: I deeply and profoundly accept myself even though I reject . . . . XYZ parts of myself. Fill in the blank with issues from your list above. Do this everyday until you have truly let it go of that issue. Then go to the next item.
- Let me know how its going for you. Love to hear your breakthroughs.
Believe it or not self – love is the most challenging component of the three. I saved the best for last. This is about creating a positive intention to love yourself every minute of everyday and simultaneously digging out the negative intention buried within.
Both paths will take you into the freedom to love yourself and life efficiently and effectively and way faster than either one alone.
The challenge here is that we were all brought up within a dualistic plane of right and wrong, good and bad, loveable behavior and un-loveable behavior. We experienced conditional love from very early on in our lives.
Therefore, whenever we proclaim how loveable and worthy we are – directly underneath is our doubts and fears to the contrary.
Accordingly, the only way to claim this brilliant self- love beyond the split is through divine intervention. It means to surrender to your; inner person, higher self, spirit, soul or the love of the creator. Whatever term works best is really whatever you have most faith, trust or belief in.
In this instance its time to make a list of your positive qualities and your negative qualities and begin to love, forgive and accept them all. Until you can love your negativity; character flaws and shadow material with equal weight and dignity along with all your beautiful qualities, then you can never attain the desired state of unconditional love.
This is the life that you deserve. As human beings we will never be perfect. But we can however, strive to live with ultimate peace and creative fulfilment. We simply cannot achieve this without love. Good Luck on your journey.
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Robert Kirby – Mind/Body Transformation & Integration Expert